I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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