shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She even gives head with a lisp.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
