Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
