Are we in a gay sports bar?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
