we have officially lost it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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