but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
