oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
