Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Green mimosas i think yes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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