I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
