fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
