Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
