I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
