On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
