Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
