Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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