we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found your dick twin last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
