Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
