Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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