So drunk its hurt
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
