I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
