Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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