I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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