yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
