porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
