hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
