but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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