i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
