and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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