I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
