Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
