I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
