I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
