hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
