You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
