okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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