you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
