she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
