Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
