He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
