She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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