So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
