i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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