There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
