If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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