Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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