Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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