Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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