I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
