My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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