she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
