I puked a lego.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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