my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
