we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
