chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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